A New Beginning. (一个新的开始)

This post happily comes to you from my cornfield hometown in northern Illinois... a day before I leave it again for ten months! I've been home for two very busy and quick months but will be heading back to China for Year #2 tomorrow afternoon.

This decision didn't happen easily, and my heart has definitely struggled with the commitment all summer. You see, this last year in Yinchuan was a truly unbelievable year -- but for many different reasons, it wasn't necessarily the happiest year for me. Thrown into the deep end of a very foreign, traditional, and -- compared to most of China -- rather underdeveloped city, I really struggled with finding a sense of peace. Most days I felt alone, uncomfortable, and psychologically torn. I chose this path out of confidence in m¡ss¡on and in fa¡th; why, then, was my heart often filled with such melancholy?

I was no fool; I knew that my year would be hard, I just didn't know how it would be hard. I wasn't prepared for the how. But it's not about the how -- it's about the why. It's about bringing the hope and light of our Father into the lives of those who have been living in darkness. It's about using this time on earth to make the biggest possible guest list for our glorious family reunion in Hea¥en one day. It was that why that kept me going last year, and it was HIS strength that helped me to persevere.

I recently read a Paul Tripp devot¡on recently where he talked about how we can keep confidence in times of fear and doubt. He said the following:

Your fa¡th must not be tied to your daily circumstances, but to the Loπd, whose eternal presence, promises, and provisions are never altered by daily circumstances. Living by fa¡th means that no matter what happens, you have reason to continue. G0d is still the same. His commands are still valid. His promises are still true. His provision is still abundant. His presence has never left.

Those days when I felt like a lonely outcast because of my face, felt threatened by my then roommate's choice of questionable houseguests, felt disrespected because I am a single woman, or felt sickened by the worms coming out of my bathroom floor (seriously), I knew that I could find comfort and strength in my Loπd. My challenges and situations change every day, but my gracious and loving G0d does not change.

It is this certainty that gives me the courage to try, try again.

Tomorrow begins my journey to the "city of eternal spring": Kunm¡ng, China. It is the capital of Yunnan Province (the southernmost province in China), and a popular tourist location in China for its lovely climate and flowers that bloom all year long. "With a history of more than 2,400 years, it was the gateway to the celebrated Silk Road that facilitated trade with Tibet, Sichuan, Myanmar, India and beyond. Today it is the provincial political, economical and cultural center of Yunnan as well as the most popular tourist destination in southwest China" (ChinaTravelGuide).

Instead of being way up north in the small, desert city of Y¡nchuan, this year I will be way down south in the beautiful, larger, ethnically diverse and (a bit more) Westernized city of Kunm¡ng. I am hopeful that this location will be a better fit for me and my personality, that I will be ever-strengthened and uplifted to serve HIM better and better each day, and that this experience will be better than the last -- especially since I will actually have teammates this year!

My year in Y¡nchuan was long and sp¡r¡tually + mentally grueling. But it was not for naught, certainly. I grew in fa¡th, B¡bl¡cal understanding, and world experience as I faced challenges every day and brought them to the L0rd in pπayer and confession. I learned valuable lessons in humility, constantly being reminded that I cannot do this life without help from friends, family, strangers, and my Redeemer. Most importantly, I made connections and planted seeds of fa¡th that I pπay the H0ly Sp¡r¡t will nurture for years to come. I pπay that the Big Guy will guide me to focus more on this good work instead of on my own selfish wellbeing. That being said, I am human, and I do believe that I will do my best work if I am comfortable and happy.

So here's to making the most of my second year in China, and here's to a new beginning. Thank you all for your support, strength, and pπayers. Talk to you soon, and stay tuned for new adventures!

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Mandarin Word of the Day: restart
Chinese characters: 重启 (重 = heavy, repetition, layer; 启 = to open, to begin, to enlighten)
Pinyin pronunciation: chóngqĭ

Faith and Improv. (是和)

“Do you have everything you need?”

I looked up with tired eyes. Mom was standing in the doorway, searching for a way to help while I reorganized my suitcases. It was 2am, and I only had one more day before leaving to teach English and spread the Gospel in China.

I sighed. “I don’t know.” Looking at my suitcases, I knew I would never feel completely prepared. Shrugging back to my mom, I said, “I’ll find out soon enough.”

That was six months ago. Since then, I have been adjusting to life in a foreign city so remote and so far north that even Chinese people believe we get around by camel. I have mastered the art of communicating through gestures, successfully fumbled my way through the bus system, traveled internationally by myself, and have seen firsthand how great an impact one disciple sharing the Word can have on another’s faith. I’ve come a long way, both literally and figuratively.

And yet, I still feel unprepared.

Before coming to China, I worked in Chicago for 5 years. When the initial glamour of landing a job in the big city wore off, I decided to spice things up again by trying my hand in improv comedy. Between 2012 and 2014, I laughed, I cried, I mimed, and I found pieces of myself I never knew were there. It is an invigorating adventure, to go out on stage without a plan – without words, without any idea of what’s going to happen – and to know that, no matter what, no matter how badly you think you fail, you’ll be okay. This is because of that quintessential improv truth that – spoiler alert! – is also a truth we can enjoy as children of His light: we have everything we need.

In improv, it’s not about trying to make people laugh (although a few chuckles wouldn’t hurt). It’s about making honest and organic connections with people. No matter the audience suggestion, you are equipped with your own experiences, your words, and the undying support of your teammates to help inspire your scene. In that sense, you are prepared.

Against all earthly odds, we, too, are prepared on this great stage of life. We have the Word of God to guide our paths and direct our teachings; we have the constant love, grace, and forgiveness of the Lord, who “Yes, Ands” our every prayer and gives us faith; and, among many other things, we have the perfect example of our Savior, the value of which far outweighs any practical knowledge or ability we could ever develop. For it's not about what we need to do, but about what Jesus has already done for us.

Thinking back to that night of packing six months ago, I remember secretly thinking, “No, Mom, I don’t have all I need.” I don’t have a great memory to help me recite all the kings of the Old Testament. I don’t have any idea how I’ll get along with my roommate if she doesn’t speak a lick of English. I don’t know how I’ll ever start a family if I’m living in such a transient, fluctuating lifestyle. I didn’t have a clue, and it made me weak in the knees.

But the Lord said to Paul in 2 Corinthians 12:9, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” HE is enough for me. Instead of gambling with my imperfect qualifications, I can depend on God’s grace and feel prepared for the mission ahead. I have everything I need, because I have Jesus.

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Mandarin Word of the Day: to be at ease

Chinese characters: 放心 (放 = to put, to lay; 心 = heart, intention, mind, center, core) 

Pinyin pronunciation: fàng xīn

Follow the Leader (听从领队)

Commence overdue post about recent China adventures.

Three weeks ago, a whole buncha American teachers based in Shanghai, Beijing, Wuhan, Hangzhou, and Shaoxing descended upon Yinchuan. We hung out in my city for a day or two and then continued on to Shapotou, where some much anticipated camel-riding in the desert took place. This is an annual trip, and it always happens the first week of October, during the National Day Golden Week (aka holidaaay!). Yinchuan is the closest to the desert (well, it's sort of in the desert already), so everybody always makes their way here to group up, first, and then they all get on a bus and head into the desert together -- a 4 hour ride south west.

The trip was awesome before I even left for it. While I am the farthest away from any of my fellow teachers, I had the luxury of not having to take a 15+ hour train ride to get here. My fifteen compatriots arrived in Yinchuan at different times on different days, so those who had already arrived had time to kill. I am still far from an expert tour guide of this city, but it was pretty neat having visitors here and showing them the new stomping grounds. 

Seven girls ended up staying in my apartment. Only one ever slept on the floor. Much four star, very comfort. Wow.

We left on a Tuesday and most of the group arrived on Sunday, so we spent that Monday exploring. Honestly, our sans-plan meandering was one of the biggest highlights for me. We saw some of my favorite street vendors, I showed the gals where I work, and we ended up meeting the other half of the group at Zhongshan Park for frisbee in the afternoon. The frisbee was fun, but the real entertainment happened when all we were doing was sitting on benches and waiting for a few latecomers to arrive. As I've stated previously, many people see my dark hair and think that I am part Chinese -- or at least not completely foreign. Some stare at me, but seem not to give me much thought. Throw in 7 or so other foreigners with blonde or light brown hair into the mix, however, and there was definitely more attention.

MUCH more attention.

I knew this park had a zoo, but by golly, I never thought I’d ever be one of the exhibits. 

I actually think this picture is really cute.

So much shade.

Anyway. As mentioned above, we eventually played some frisbee, and then we found a stadium in which to play some football. It was a lot of fun and actually got pretty intense for touch football. I was exhausted by the end of the day, but my heart was happy after being surrounded by friends all day long. 

Thus brings us to Tuesday morning, when we left for our desert camping adventure. On our 4-hour bus ride we saw a couple touristy areas — lavender fields and sand hills and decorative arches, oh my! — as well as arguably the crudest toilets in Ningxia. We finally did get to the desert, though, and it was pretty cool. Some of the group played frisbee in the sand upon arrival, and others decided to take a walk across the dunes. I was part of the latter group. Please note that I felt no regrets in my decision to break from the frisbee tradition as it enabled me to sing and dance to songs from The Lion King while standing atop the highest sand dune in the area. It was a very special couple of moments, I assure you.

Tuesday night we had dinner, and then we went to Inner Mongolia’s version of Medieval Times. It was fun and weird and unforgettable.

Waiting for the black and white knight.

Following the show, a bunch of us drank beer and played Catchphrase at the local “saloon.” Soon after, half of us went to bed while the other half walked across a few dunes and found a spot on which to lie down and stare up at the stars. We were quiet for some time, each of us lost in thought and awe-struck wonder. It was an incredible moment. Before long we had a pπayer circle. I’m not sure I’ve ever experienced a more perfect moment in its simplicity. To be so exposed to G0d's creation, all at once humbled by the sheer size and depth of his masterpiece and desperate to soak up every ounce of its awe-inspiring grandeur. It was a beautiful, beautiful hour.

Thanks for capturing this awesome shot, Heidi!

Fun fact: that Tuesday was, in fact, my birthday. I neglected to tell anyone on my trip up until the pπayer circle because I didn't want to be that girl making a big deal out of her birthday. It made me feel a little off at times (especially when I kept forgetting it was my own birthday), but it was strangely peaceful and humbling, knowing this lovely thing was going on around me and I had good company and I could just enjoy it as is. My day had already been pretty spectacular.

Wednesday came and so did the camels. That morning we took a trolley, of sorts, to an area of the desert where we were to begin our camel excursion. Camels are HUGE. They are very tall and have very round bellies. It is a slightly nerve-wracking and hilarious moment, when your seated camel stands up with you on its back. Suddenly you are five feet taller, and at the mercy of a desert creature, no less! Luckily all these animals really do is follow each other and expel gas (among other things), so any nerves you feel are generally those of excitement and surprise.

We rode on the camels for four long hours. Any longer and I’m not sure our butts or thighs would have forgiven us. But it was most certainly an incredible experience. 

Kyle the Camel

After riding the camels, we wandered over to an area of the “entertainment zone” of the desert that offered a scenic view of the Yellow River with mountains in the background. There was plenty to do in that area: one could zip line, bungie jump, sled down a giant sand dune, or duck into a few of the shops for some souvenirs. Some of the gang and I decided to zip line across the river while two of the guys bungie jumped. When in China… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

For dinner that night we ate an entire smoked lamb (WHOA), a traditional delicacy of Inner Mongolia and Ningxia. It was quite delicious. I also tried lamb brain that night. Definitely not bad. (Alex, I think you would like it — it reminds me of pâté!) Once we were full and satisfied with dinner, we retreated back to our tent area. For the rest of the night we lit Chinese Paper Lanterns, drank terrible Chinese liquor, and played Mafia. Having not slept very well the previous week, I was definitely hoping it was me every time the narrator of our game announced a new murder victim. ...Pretty sure this is the only time I've ever been able to say that. (Not to mention the only time I've ever publicly wondered, "But why did the medic have to save me?")

Yellow River lookout point. Genghis Khan chilling on the right.

The next morning we got up, organized our belongings, took one last walk to the scenic outlook, then bounded back onto the buses for our four hour ride "home." Upon arriving back in Yinchuan, we showered up, did some laundry, and went out for one last group dinner. Everyone had left by the next day. I was sad to see my friends go, but felt spiritually and mentally rejuvenated by their visit. The good feels during and following our time together just means I need to take some time to travel to other F0C cities, I think...!

It was a great trip. The first of many great trips during my time in China, I'm sure. I'm so thankful for the experiences I enjoyed with my friends, though, and for the important reminders they provided me.

One thing that stood out to me in particular during the trip was how the camels moved; or, rather, how they followed each other. I couldn’t help noticing that, even when the terrain changed, the camels never looked at their feet. I’m sure there’s some physiological explanation for it (not to mention the fact that they were all connected by reins tied to their faces), but our camels didn’t seem to watch where they stepped. They never looked down, opting only to look ahead and follow their leader without fear. The imagery of this really resonated with me. How admirable is it that these creatures continue onward, placing their trust and faith in the one leading them (even when their riders are afraid)? Sure, there was the occasional steep sand dune that challenged the elegance of their steps, but the camels never hesitated and never stopped. If their footing was ill-placed, they simply corrected themselves based both on how the leader was walking and on how the leader was leading them. Because they trusted in the one that had gone before them, their own steps were sure and confident. 

Is this not unlike the way we should follow our Sav¡or? He has walked this earth, he has sacrificed his life for ours, and he has gone ahead to prepare a home for us in Heaven. The B¡ble tells us so. We need only have faith and trust in his love and the journey he has taken before us, for us -- then and only then will our steps be sure and confident, because we know our path will lead us to Him.

"For we live by faith, not by sight." (2 Cor 5:7)

Like I said, man. It was an awesome trip.

••

Mandarin Word of the Day: follow (me)
Chinese characters: 跟我来 (跟 = with, to follow; 我 = me; 来 = to come)
Pinyin pronunciation: gēn wǒ lái

Introduction (介绍)

Hello! Welcome to my blog. This is, naturally, where I will write about my upcoming adventures in China. Still with me? Cool. You're doing great.

It's been a long road getting to this point. For over a year I have been trying to get myself abroad to teach English to Chinese youngsters, but life has had other plans. I grew frustrated and impatient at times, but I am thankful for the opportunities I have been gifted during this uncertain year, and remain ever grateful for the important reminders they provided.

As I write this I am in waiting. Literally. I've been camped at the front door all day, waiting to intercept the DHL courier with my VISA paperwork before the dogs see him and go bark raving mad. I know the courier will come, though, and I know I will get my VISA, and I know I will finally make my way to China. That's the thing about waiting. It doesn't have to be terrible. We know that the Big Guy Upstairs has "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jer 29:11). We need only have faith.  

I will be leaving for China in the next few weeks. In the meantime, I will continue to organize my thoughts, arrange my suitcases, pray like mad, and soak up as much time with family and friends as possible. (They're pretty rad.)

Stay tuned for updates, and feel free to sign up on the right side of this blog (where it says "follow by email") to receive an email whenever I make a post. Thanks for your continued support, love, and encouragement!

Now if you'll excuse me, a man in a yellow DHL van just pulled up, and I believe he has something for me. 

**

Mandarin Word of the Day: faith
Chinese characters: 信心
Pinyin pronunciation: xìnxīn