A New Beginning. (一个新的开始)

This post happily comes to you from my cornfield hometown in northern Illinois... a day before I leave it again for ten months! I've been home for two very busy and quick months but will be heading back to China for Year #2 tomorrow afternoon.

This decision didn't happen easily, and my heart has definitely struggled with the commitment all summer. You see, this last year in Yinchuan was a truly unbelievable year -- but for many different reasons, it wasn't necessarily the happiest year for me. Thrown into the deep end of a very foreign, traditional, and -- compared to most of China -- rather underdeveloped city, I really struggled with finding a sense of peace. Most days I felt alone, uncomfortable, and psychologically torn. I chose this path out of confidence in m¡ss¡on and in fa¡th; why, then, was my heart often filled with such melancholy?

I was no fool; I knew that my year would be hard, I just didn't know how it would be hard. I wasn't prepared for the how. But it's not about the how -- it's about the why. It's about bringing the hope and light of our Father into the lives of those who have been living in darkness. It's about using this time on earth to make the biggest possible guest list for our glorious family reunion in Hea¥en one day. It was that why that kept me going last year, and it was HIS strength that helped me to persevere.

I recently read a Paul Tripp devot¡on recently where he talked about how we can keep confidence in times of fear and doubt. He said the following:

Your fa¡th must not be tied to your daily circumstances, but to the Loπd, whose eternal presence, promises, and provisions are never altered by daily circumstances. Living by fa¡th means that no matter what happens, you have reason to continue. G0d is still the same. His commands are still valid. His promises are still true. His provision is still abundant. His presence has never left.

Those days when I felt like a lonely outcast because of my face, felt threatened by my then roommate's choice of questionable houseguests, felt disrespected because I am a single woman, or felt sickened by the worms coming out of my bathroom floor (seriously), I knew that I could find comfort and strength in my Loπd. My challenges and situations change every day, but my gracious and loving G0d does not change.

It is this certainty that gives me the courage to try, try again.

Tomorrow begins my journey to the "city of eternal spring": Kunm¡ng, China. It is the capital of Yunnan Province (the southernmost province in China), and a popular tourist location in China for its lovely climate and flowers that bloom all year long. "With a history of more than 2,400 years, it was the gateway to the celebrated Silk Road that facilitated trade with Tibet, Sichuan, Myanmar, India and beyond. Today it is the provincial political, economical and cultural center of Yunnan as well as the most popular tourist destination in southwest China" (ChinaTravelGuide).

Instead of being way up north in the small, desert city of Y¡nchuan, this year I will be way down south in the beautiful, larger, ethnically diverse and (a bit more) Westernized city of Kunm¡ng. I am hopeful that this location will be a better fit for me and my personality, that I will be ever-strengthened and uplifted to serve HIM better and better each day, and that this experience will be better than the last -- especially since I will actually have teammates this year!

My year in Y¡nchuan was long and sp¡r¡tually + mentally grueling. But it was not for naught, certainly. I grew in fa¡th, B¡bl¡cal understanding, and world experience as I faced challenges every day and brought them to the L0rd in pπayer and confession. I learned valuable lessons in humility, constantly being reminded that I cannot do this life without help from friends, family, strangers, and my Redeemer. Most importantly, I made connections and planted seeds of fa¡th that I pπay the H0ly Sp¡r¡t will nurture for years to come. I pπay that the Big Guy will guide me to focus more on this good work instead of on my own selfish wellbeing. That being said, I am human, and I do believe that I will do my best work if I am comfortable and happy.

So here's to making the most of my second year in China, and here's to a new beginning. Thank you all for your support, strength, and pπayers. Talk to you soon, and stay tuned for new adventures!

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Mandarin Word of the Day: restart
Chinese characters: 重启 (重 = heavy, repetition, layer; 启 = to open, to begin, to enlighten)
Pinyin pronunciation: chóngqĭ

Faith and Improv. (是和)

“Do you have everything you need?”

I looked up with tired eyes. Mom was standing in the doorway, searching for a way to help while I reorganized my suitcases. It was 2am, and I only had one more day before leaving to teach English and spread the Gospel in China.

I sighed. “I don’t know.” Looking at my suitcases, I knew I would never feel completely prepared. Shrugging back to my mom, I said, “I’ll find out soon enough.”

That was six months ago. Since then, I have been adjusting to life in a foreign city so remote and so far north that even Chinese people believe we get around by camel. I have mastered the art of communicating through gestures, successfully fumbled my way through the bus system, traveled internationally by myself, and have seen firsthand how great an impact one disciple sharing the Word can have on another’s faith. I’ve come a long way, both literally and figuratively.

And yet, I still feel unprepared.

Before coming to China, I worked in Chicago for 5 years. When the initial glamour of landing a job in the big city wore off, I decided to spice things up again by trying my hand in improv comedy. Between 2012 and 2014, I laughed, I cried, I mimed, and I found pieces of myself I never knew were there. It is an invigorating adventure, to go out on stage without a plan – without words, without any idea of what’s going to happen – and to know that, no matter what, no matter how badly you think you fail, you’ll be okay. This is because of that quintessential improv truth that – spoiler alert! – is also a truth we can enjoy as children of His light: we have everything we need.

In improv, it’s not about trying to make people laugh (although a few chuckles wouldn’t hurt). It’s about making honest and organic connections with people. No matter the audience suggestion, you are equipped with your own experiences, your words, and the undying support of your teammates to help inspire your scene. In that sense, you are prepared.

Against all earthly odds, we, too, are prepared on this great stage of life. We have the Word of God to guide our paths and direct our teachings; we have the constant love, grace, and forgiveness of the Lord, who “Yes, Ands” our every prayer and gives us faith; and, among many other things, we have the perfect example of our Savior, the value of which far outweighs any practical knowledge or ability we could ever develop. For it's not about what we need to do, but about what Jesus has already done for us.

Thinking back to that night of packing six months ago, I remember secretly thinking, “No, Mom, I don’t have all I need.” I don’t have a great memory to help me recite all the kings of the Old Testament. I don’t have any idea how I’ll get along with my roommate if she doesn’t speak a lick of English. I don’t know how I’ll ever start a family if I’m living in such a transient, fluctuating lifestyle. I didn’t have a clue, and it made me weak in the knees.

But the Lord said to Paul in 2 Corinthians 12:9, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” HE is enough for me. Instead of gambling with my imperfect qualifications, I can depend on God’s grace and feel prepared for the mission ahead. I have everything I need, because I have Jesus.

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Mandarin Word of the Day: to be at ease

Chinese characters: 放心 (放 = to put, to lay; 心 = heart, intention, mind, center, core) 

Pinyin pronunciation: fàng xīn

Culture Shock is like... (文化震惊)

I was thinking about it, and I have decided that culture shock is *kind of like growing your hair out.

First, you make the move: you get your hair cut. It looks GREAT. You don't have a change for the future...you just want to make a change. People compliment you on the big move, ask how you feel. Everyone is excited for you. YOU are excited for you. You milk this feeling for a while, not even noticing how you can't put your hair in a bun anymore or style it as easily as you always have.

Before too long, though, the hair gets just a liiiiiiittle longer...and becomes a liiiiiiittle less easy to style. Less natural. It still looks good, feels good -- but YOU know that it's different. You figure eh, it looks good, I think. You're still milking that flashy new 'do, that exciting move. The only difference is that now you have to try a little harder to make things work.

Then...you reach the awkward length. You can't go a day without noticing the difference between how hard you have to work on your hair now versus how easy and exciting things were with the new 'do weeks or (for those slow hair growers) months ago. Every stinkin' day you have to try so hard to do anything with your hair -- just to make something work! Some days you don't even try. Other days you try and you get so frustrated in the process. It's. Just. Hard. Nothing seems to work. Your friends know you're having a hard time, so they try to help, give you tips, lend you some hair spray. You appreciate their help, even though you know this is your battle. They don't know your hair like you know your hair.

Thankfully, you soon reach this miraculous period where your hair looks...okay! You can put it in a small bun with a few bobby pins, or you can wear it half back and it looks pretty nice...why, you can even let it dry by itself and it won't look half bad. You don't have to try as hard because you know what to do now. You know what adjustments you can make when things aren't working. With this renewed confidence you have a renewed, positive attitude. With every day you get more and more used to your ever lengthening hair -- heck, you almost look forward to the challenge of working with more hair.

Over time, your hair ebbs and flows between awkward lengths and okay lengths. Some days you feel great and everything looks normal, feels natural. Other days you have to try a little harder, or even really hard. The hard days are never easy, but with each one you learn a bit more and you think more critically about how to make things work -- where to make adjustments, how to deal with the flyaways, and maybe when to make the next big change. No matter what, though, even on the most impossible, most painfully frustrating, difficult days when nothing seems to work, you can have confidence, and you can have hope; for with each passing moment, big or small, your hair is growing, and so are you.

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*I said "kind of." I.e., not exactly. Obviously there are some exceptions and plotholes to this theory -- "what if I'm balding?" "what if I have alopecia?" "what if I'm going for a Sinead O'Connor look?" -- but, as someone who got 10 inches cut immediately before moving to a foreign country four months ago, I am fairly amazed at the how the sequences of each "phenomenon" line up. 

And, if you were wondering, I am growing my hair out. 

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Mandarin Word of the Day: (head) hair
Chinese characters: 頭發 (頭 = head, chief, boss; 發 = to open up, to send out)
Pinyin pronunciation: tóufa