This decision didn't happen easily, and my heart has definitely struggled with the commitment all summer. You see, this last year in Yinchuan was a truly unbelievable year -- but for many different reasons, it wasn't necessarily the happiest year for me. Thrown into the deep end of a very foreign, traditional, and -- compared to most of China -- rather underdeveloped city, I really struggled with finding a sense of peace. Most days I felt alone, uncomfortable, and psychologically torn. I chose this path out of confidence in m¡ss¡on and in fa¡th; why, then, was my heart often filled with such melancholy?
I was no fool; I knew that my year would be hard, I just didn't know how it would be hard. I wasn't prepared for the how. But it's not about the how -- it's about the why. It's about bringing the hope and light of our Father into the lives of those who have been living in darkness. It's about using this time on earth to make the biggest possible guest list for our glorious family reunion in Hea¥en one day. It was that why that kept me going last year, and it was HIS strength that helped me to persevere.
I recently read a Paul Tripp devot¡on recently where he talked about how we can keep confidence in times of fear and doubt. He said the following:
Your fa¡th must not be tied to your daily circumstances, but to the Loπd, whose eternal presence, promises, and provisions are never altered by daily circumstances. Living by fa¡th means that no matter what happens, you have reason to continue. G0d is still the same. His commands are still valid. His promises are still true. His provision is still abundant. His presence has never left.Those days when I felt like a lonely outcast because of my face, felt threatened by my then roommate's choice of questionable houseguests, felt disrespected because I am a single woman, or felt sickened by the worms coming out of my bathroom floor (seriously), I knew that I could find comfort and strength in my Loπd. My challenges and situations change every day, but my gracious and loving G0d does not change.
It is this certainty that gives me the courage to try, try again.
Tomorrow begins my journey to the "city of eternal spring": Kunm¡ng, China. It is the capital of Yunnan Province (the southernmost province in China), and a popular tourist location in China for its lovely climate and flowers that bloom all year long. "With a history of more than 2,400 years, it was the gateway to the celebrated Silk Road that facilitated trade with Tibet, Sichuan, Myanmar, India and beyond. Today it is the provincial political, economical and cultural center of Yunnan as well as the most popular tourist destination in southwest China" (ChinaTravelGuide).
Instead of being way up north in the small, desert city of Y¡nchuan, this year I will be way down south in the beautiful, larger, ethnically diverse and (a bit more) Westernized city of Kunm¡ng. I am hopeful that this location will be a better fit for me and my personality, that I will be ever-strengthened and uplifted to serve HIM better and better each day, and that this experience will be better than the last -- especially since I will actually have teammates this year!
My year in Y¡nchuan was long and sp¡r¡tually + mentally grueling. But it was not for naught, certainly. I grew in fa¡th, B¡bl¡cal understanding, and world experience as I faced challenges every day and brought them to the L0rd in pπayer and confession. I learned valuable lessons in humility, constantly being reminded that I cannot do this life without help from friends, family, strangers, and my Redeemer. Most importantly, I made connections and planted seeds of fa¡th that I pπay the H0ly Sp¡r¡t will nurture for years to come. I pπay that the Big Guy will guide me to focus more on this good work instead of on my own selfish wellbeing. That being said, I am human, and I do believe that I will do my best work if I am comfortable and happy.
So here's to making the most of my second year in China, and here's to a new beginning. Thank you all for your support, strength, and pπayers. Talk to you soon, and stay tuned for new adventures!
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Mandarin Word of the Day: restart
Chinese characters: 重启 (重 = heavy, repetition, layer; 启 = to open, to begin, to enlighten)
Pinyin pronunciation: chóngqĭ
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